5:24 PM | link
Mary took advantage of this exciting business opportunity, and just look at how happy she is!

4:50 PM | link
Just the thing to spruce up the walls in your crack house.

2:46 AM | link
Breaker one-nine good buddy, this here's Martha Stewart. You gotcher ears on?

2:41 AM | link
Add a touch of Hee Haw to your home.

2:38 AM | link
"Just looking at it makes you think of that bad trip you once took."

2:27 AM | link
Down... up! Down... up! Down... up!

3:45 PM | link
Holy meat-byproducts, Batman!

12:55 PM | link
Fly free for the rest of your life! (Or until they catch you.)

12:44 PM | link
Job-hunters Tip #3: when going on an interview, make sure you're wearing the right clothes.

12:14 AM | link
Win a date with Keith! He's well-traveled, well-read, health-concious, thrifty, and has fresh breath! (Did we mention thrifty?)

3:24 AM | link
No wonder you divorced her.

2:31 AM | link
Or maybe a shotgun is more your style.

1:40 AM | link
"Relive those great old care-free days of your youth" back when you were just another pimply faced kid flipping burgers and wishing you knew how to talk to girls.

1:36 AM | link
What happens when you cross Boy George with Carrot Top?

(thanks, Destinee!)

1:32 AM | link
You've got to wonder about a medicine that flushes parasites out of your system and comes with a free vacation to Mexico...

(thanks, Lizzybet!)

1:28 AM | link
Well, what else would you use them for?

(thanks, Jane!)

1:27 AM | link
Made from premium Grade A old folks.

(thanks, Lisa!)

1:23 AM | link
You've been a bad bunny! A very, very, very bad bunny! And you know what happens to bad bunnies, don't you?

(thanks, Barbara!)

1:20 AM | link
Those Victorians had a utensil for everything!

(thanks, Ellen!)

1:17 AM | link
We never realized pregnancy made you so observant...

(thanks, Pam!)

1:16 AM | link
Everything is bigger in Australia.

(thanks, Greg!)

1:08 AM | link
There's art therapy, and then there's art therapy.

(thanks, Stephen!)

1:06 AM | link
When Marsha accepted Bill's invitation to go upstairs and "see his etchings", she didn't realize what she was in for.

(thanks, Jen!)

1:02 AM | link
OK, ok, we'll buy your bike if you'll just stop talking!

(thanks, Don!)

12:59 AM | link
Great, assuming you're not too stoned to solve the puzzles.

(thanks, Alan!)

12:14 AM | link
Guess they won't be showing this as the in-flight movie.

12:09 AM | link
"If you do bid on it prepare to cry in disgust when you open the package."

12:02 AM | link
"You gotta love it!!" Uh, no we don't.

11:54 PM | link
Hey baby, what's your sign?

11:46 PM | link
Arrrrr, matey! Hand over yer loot or I'll tinkle yer timbers.

11:34 PM | link
"I had this painting done as a special order so it is NOT a "starving artist" European hack job."

11:32 PM | link
Bobo the Clown loved to entertain little children and their parents.

1:23 PM | link
*sigh* My owners are such hippies.

1:02 AM | link
Not to be worn by short girls.

12:28 AM | link
Me-ow.

12:23 AM | link
"Isn't she precious ... I could just eat her up!" says the seller. Good thing that sort of thing is illegal 'round these parts.

12:12 AM | link
This purse is described as "a real headturner!" Of course, they don't say whether those heads are turning away from you...

11:43 PM | link
Yet another way to rev up your walls.

11:35 PM | link
Marcy knew she'd spent too much time in the kitchen when she realized the potholders were talking to her.

11:31 PM | link
This auction really makes you want to just jump right up and polka, doesn't it?

11:26 PM | link
Is your dining room drab? Perhaps you need a dash of Russian space agency style to spruce it up!

11:25 PM | link
Whooooo-whooooo would buy that?

10:51 PM | link
To stem the rising tide of employee dissatisfaction and low morale, many employers are hanging motivational needlepoint in their offices.

10:39 PM | link
More proof that the 60s had their dark side.

9:12 PM | link
Tune in, turn on, blow bubbles.

9:09 PM | link
Johnny and Rico didn't care what all the other lamps thought: theirs was a love that refused to hide in the dark.

9:05 PM | link
Sure, he'll carry your keys for you, but they'll be all slimy.

(thanks, Mark!)

9:02 PM | link
"It is unopened!!" Thank heavens.

9:00 PM | link
Displeased with the direction her church was taking, Agnes decided she would simply knit herself a new one.

8:56 PM | link
Careful where you flick those ashes.

1:37 PM | link
And they wonder why women are better salespeople than men.

1:35 PM | link
When cooking for guests, be sure to choose an appropriately stylish serving dish.

(thanks, Joann!)

1:28 PM | link
Just think: you could stick your fingers into the very same holes that Roy Rogers stuck his fingers!

(thanks, Alexander!)

1:26 PM | link
Also makes a great container for gelatin!

(thanks again, Carrie!)

1:25 PM | link
And you thought ballot boxes were the worst of Florida's problems...

(thanks, Carrie!)

1:24 PM | link
A fella can go pretty far with a great lunch and a terrific butt.

(thanks, Jane!)

1:22 PM | link
These french fries need more salt, pepper, and pixie dust.

(thanks, Utrillofreak!)

1:14 PM | link
Your kids will love this charming story about a truck-stop whore and her seven good buddies.

1:07 PM | link
It's not the California lottery, but you can still win big.

3:32 AM | link
Everyone loved to watch Fifi perform her lamp-balancing trick.

3:07 AM | link
This reminds us: has anyone registered AlanThicke.com?

3:01 AM | link
"This is a great historical marker from the late 1990's."

2:43 AM | link
Well! Aren't we quite the little critic?

2:42 AM | link
Why settle for one when you can have 100?

2:32 AM | link
Want to teach a lesson to that coworker who eats all the donuts in every meeting? Slip a few of these onto his plate.

1:18 AM | link
Suck in those stomachs, ladies! We're going to a girdle convention!

2:11 PM | link
What to wear to those dramatic family dinners.

1:07 PM | link
"Yo dude, dropping acid and watching TV is cool!"

"Yeah! Only we didn't take any acid."

1:02 PM | link
Be careful when you hit that snooze button!

12:19 PM | link
But I heard him exclaim,
As he drove out of site,
"Merry Christmas to all,
Except for you impudent liberals."

2:35 AM | link
Vroom-vroom! Vroooooom!

2:23 AM | link
Oh, if only we could type like Barry White...

1:54 AM | link
Great art demands only the finest materials.

1:31 AM | link
Sometimes we really miss the past. And sometimes we don't.

1:28 AM | link
"Yes, I'm selling my girlfriend." Okayyyyy...

1:03 AM | link
Carol adored John and Mike. They were smart, funny, sharp dressers, and best of all, they never, ever tried to get fresh with her.

(thanks, Molly!)

12:56 AM | link
You say this auction was cancelled due to keyword spamming? Gee, we can't imagine why.

(thanks, Marcie!)

12:52 AM | link
We're not sure what a Wockenfuss is, but if it'll let us do what she's doing, we'll take 3 dozen.

(thanks, Ben!)

12:48 AM | link
Ken had always seemed like such a nice guy, which was why his neighbors were stunned when they learned he'd been arrested for Barbicide.

(thanks, Jennifer and Robin!)

12:44 AM | link
Don't leave that unsightly toilet brush sitting in plain view; stash it away in a tasteful container.

(thanks, Jennifer!)

12:32 AM | link
I don't think that was beef in that hash.

12:19 AM | link
After a long day at the office, it's nice to come home and slip your feet into a couple of tall cold ones.