| Saturday, December 15, 2001 |
11:09 PM | link
 Dessert? Uh, no thanks -- we're watching our figures.
10:55 PM | link
Republicans are conservative when it comes to the economy, government, social issues -- just about everywhere except their own closets. (Whereas Democrats understand the importance of subtlety and good taste in one's clothing.)
3:39 PM | link
Myrna was crushed; she'd spent the whole day cooking, yet her dinner guests couldn't talk about anything but the centerpiece.
12:38 AM | link
Learn how Mr. Rodney J. Dinglesnort defended himself against the FBI using only a spatula and a can of Crisco!
12:33 AM | link
 Oh yes, it's far less conspicuous when covered.
12:20 AM | link
Forget toys -- Santa's bringing Cipro to all the good little boys and girls this year!
12:17 AM | link
AKA "I've been cleaning out my garage."
12:16 AM | link
We'd like it better if he said "HO HO HO! You're still covered with germs!"
12:14 AM | link
Sweetie, why don't you go listen to your records in your bedroom and leave Mommy and Daddy alone for awhile, ok?
12:12 AM | link
 If this were true, no one would be able to see the buckle, right?
| Friday, December 14, 2001 |
11:56 PM | link
"I doubt anyone would wear it, this should be framed."
1:02 PM | link
For sale: one Stephen King novel in the making.
(thanks, Liz!)
12:23 PM | link
Mavis, honey, you look like death warmed over.
1:50 AM | link
In case of sobriety break glass.
1:48 AM | link
Or if you were feeling really malicious, you could tell people it's your pet cat Fluffy.
| Thursday, December 13, 2001 |
1:30 AM | link
It took awhile, but Grandma finally found the perfect lamp to go with her lace doilies.
| Wednesday, December 12, 2001 |
1:55 AM | link
 Larry loved the way his lamp cast a warm, flattering glow over the shag carpeting and black velvet signs of the Zodiac painting.
1:44 AM | link
At first the neighbors thought it was cute, but eventually they became suspicious of the hordes of waterfowl gathered in Jerry's yard.
1:42 AM | link
Looks like that intervention has finally paid off.
1:37 AM | link
Hey, at least they weren't handing out copies of the old board game called Life.
1:34 AM | link
"You can dance the night away with this powder." Uh-huh.
1:32 AM | link
The previous model (the one with the car alarm, shrieking children, and smoke detector sounds) didn't go over so well.
1:24 AM | link
Hmmm, looks like somebody spent a little too much time listening to Dark Side of the Moon.
| Sunday, December 09, 2001 |
11:13 PM | link
 Go ahead, bub -- put 'er right here.
11:08 PM | link
Do you, Elizabeth, promise to love, honor, and absorb, in sickness and in health, til death do you part?
10:53 PM | link
We like our martinis shot, not stirred.
6:47 PM | link
Mommy made me cocaine for lunch today! What did you get, Tommy?
6:38 PM | link
Merry Christmas Aunt Hilda-Florence Nightengale-Joan of Arc-Cleopatra!
6:32 PM | link
The sad thing is, Barbie's gown is about as flattering as the real one.
6:02 PM | link
 They had come from near and far: Santas and snowmen, pilgrims and Pooh bears, toy soldiers and gingerbread houses, each of them powerless to resist the hypnotic swirls of the mysterious lighted beacon.
5:15 PM | link
"This film kept my interest the whole time, and has a pretty wide area of topics."
5:11 PM | link
A subtle reminder to treat every morning as though it's your last.
(thanks, Rachel!)
5:09 PM | link
What would you do with these? Use them as placecard holders for a wedding with 106 guests?
(thanks, Stephen!)
5:03 PM | link
What happens when you shear Muppets.
(thanks, Crystal!)
4:58 PM | link
We're thinking of wearing this sweater to our next AA meeting.
(thanks, Mary!)
4:57 PM | link
When he says "used", he really means "used."
(thanks, Don!)
4:54 PM | link
 Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a rusty old sawblade.
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