3:16 PM | link
People asked her all the time, but Martha would never reveal the secret ingredient in her bloody marys.

3:08 PM | link
Just make sure you don't hit the wrong power switch.

3:02 PM | link
The sad thing is, he's probably getting an MFA for this.

2:53 PM | link
Polly's death baffled the veterinary staff -- her owners had taken excellent care of her, even replacing her old cage with a sealed glass dome to keep harmful germs out.

2:12 PM | link
"Hello, tech support? I have a problem. See, I sort of accidentally made my friends go blind..."

1:57 PM | link
"Upon closer inspection things get a bit weird."

3:33 PM | link
Do you take checks? Nothing screams "trustworthy" like a zero-feedback seller who doesn't include a picture of the $40 million item he's selling.

(thanks, Christine!)

2:55 PM | link
Next in the series: Danny DeVito Sings the Blues.

(thanks, Jim!)

2:46 PM | link
Now all we're missing is a beret for our champagne.

(thanks, Steven!)

2:32 AM | link
Some rooms in the house are best left untouched by the holiday spirit.

2:25 AM | link
Swing your partner, do-si-(cough-cough-hack-wheeze).

2:12 AM | link
We wonder what the high school mascot is...

(thanks, Chris!)

2:08 AM | link
Guess you played doctor as a kid, eh? "This large makes a regular bag look like child's play!"

(thanks, Bob!)

1:58 AM | link
"A fun exciting game for up to four players" - none of whom have ever actually gone downhill skiing.

(thanks, Jeanne!)

1:53 AM | link
Suddenly, our dreams don't seem so bad after all.

(thanks, Violet!)

1:48 AM | link
My purse? Oh, I got it out on the interstate.

(thanks, Caroline!)

1:45 AM | link
We can't believe they forgot to include cupholders!

(thanks, Tim!)

1:26 AM | link
Somewhere out there are a bunch of really unhappy clams.

1:10 AM | link
Our website has a first name, it's dou-ble-you-aache-oh...

1:05 AM | link
"Please take a look at my wifes feet and bid accordingly."

12:51 AM | link
File under good luck.

12:46 AM | link
It'll also come in handy in case you need to mop up any blood.

12:37 AM | link
Hey, this isn't my makeup kit! Guess I grabbed the wrong case on my way out of the house.

12:29 AM | link
Sadly, Danny's new nightlight wasn't helping him get over his fear of the dark.

12:02 AM | link
Jeweled Western Sweatshirt: three words that should never appear in the same sentence.

1:05 PM | link
"So I told Mabel, 'Back off, you whore! I saw you eyeballing my Herbert this morning. You leave him alone or I swear I'll cut you, bitch!' Imagine, wearing a peek-a-boo nightie to take out the trash!"

"Well, everybody down at the retirement home says she's a skanky ho, Miriam. Now hush up and deal."