9:28 PM | link
Arlene devoted her life to inventing a stove that ran on static electricity.

9:24 PM | link
What all the cool babies will be wearing this fall.

(thanks, Missy!)

9:22 PM | link
"This is not one of those cheapo lawn ornaments."

(thanks, Sue!)

9:20 PM | link
Historians have long wondered why there were so many bald women in the late 1800s.

(thanks, Brad!)

9:17 PM | link
At the end of the day, there's nothing like snuggling under the covers and resting your head on a great big steel wool pad.

(thanks, Boris!)

9:15 PM | link
Uh, yeah, that's exactly what every kid wants for his Bar Mitzvah.

(thanks, Julie!)

9:13 PM | link
We don't know what a Neibaur Complex is, but we're sure glad we don't have one.

(thanks, Alicia!)

9:09 PM | link
Geez, we'd hate to see the matching fork and knife.

8:50 PM | link
Nice idea, but where are you supposed to plug in your turntable once you're out in the woods?

3:23 PM | link
The kind of car you drive says a lot about you. For example, this car says you love purple suits, fedoras with feathers, and smackin' up your bitches if they get out of line.

(thanks, Dan!)

3:05 PM | link
Perfect for hiding that concealed weapon.

(thanks, Caroline!)

3:01 PM | link
Once Freddy Krueger's film career ended, he was forced to make ends meet posing for portraits.

(thanks, David!)

2:55 PM | link
After Frank's latest birthday gift, Gladys officially became The Person Who Has Everything.

(thanks, jkiehl!)

12:39 PM | link
Little kids didn't like him, but Shroomy the Clown was a big hit at teenage birthday parties.

12:27 PM | link
The perfect gift for your friend the brothel enthusiast. (Or maybe they'd like some new jewelry, or one of the many important works from the brothel's fine art collection?)

12:18 PM | link
Tell your boss you've all been really, really, really good.

12:17 PM | link
I swear to God, Billy, if you don't stop playing that thing I'll shoot you!

12:12 PM | link
"It's not just dinner, it's patriotism."