8:46 PM | link
 The measure of a true Star Wars fan: not only do they eat, sleep, breathe Star Wars...
They also bowl Star Wars. And play with the Princess Leia sock monkey and really creepy dolls.
They drink Star Wars champagne and decorate their homes with Star Wars art. Even their cars and dinner tables have a galactic flair...
They wear Star Wars skirts, shoes, and Underoos - but on "special" occasions they'll break out the Princess Leia slave costume.
And they're so old-skool, they own the 8-track. (You kids today with your fancy DVDs and Sony Digital Deafening System theaters are so spoiled.)
12:30 PM | link
For sale: One pair blue jeans. Old, filthy, big hole in pocket.
7:17 PM | link
 Finally, a keyring with a built-in anti-theft device.
(thanks, Salgam!)
7:10 PM | link
School you go will. Education you get will. Diploma on wall you hang will.
(thanks, Loopy!)
7:08 PM | link
Things that go hump in the night: Here's your chance to win a dream date with Carmen Electra.
(thanks, Sean!)
7:08 PM | link
"I will not draw women in submissive poses or situations." Nope, I'll only draw them nekkid and pointy-nippled while they're standing up.
(thanks, Brian!)
6:58 PM | link
Cheating on your husband? Better store your jewels in a safe deposit box, otherwise they might end up in a Whore Box.
Same goes for you guys and your porno mags.
(thanks, Brian & Rebekah!)
11:08 PM | link
 Even the happy world of Fisher Price Little People has its bad apples.
(thanks, Kari!)
11:03 PM | link
"Barkeep! Gimme annuver drink!"
"Uh, ma'am? I think you've had enough to drink."
"Shaddup! Whaddaya mean I'fe had enuf? I'fe hardly had- I'fe only hafe a few- jush a coupla liddle, iddy-biddy dwinks..."
"No, ma'am, I'm quite certain you've had enough."
10:59 PM | link
Seller will not be held responsible for emergency tracheotomies.
10:57 PM | link
See my other auctions for a cherry tree supposedly chopped down by George Washington.
(thanks, Peter & Luba!)
10:50 PM | link
"Everyone has a sad story, and I know there are many that are much sadder than mine." But that's not going to stop you from writing down the whole lengthy spiel, now is it?
(thanks, Pat & Abby!)
10:42 PM | link
"Vintage keyboard" to go with your 100-year-old computer.
(thanks, Maggie!)
10:38 PM | link
 Evelyn just knew she'd found a willing student in young Fredericka. In fact, it was all she could do to keep her hands on the keyboard.
10:35 PM | link
Now all you need is a really big jar of strawberry jam.
(thanks, ez1221!)
10:31 PM | link
Enhance your table with the romantic glow of a melting cheeseburger.
11:01 PM | link
 The Good, The Bad and The Fugly: A quick search for the word "ugly" yields a treasure trove of home decorating options.
Want to discourage your kids from watching too much TV? Put 'Carpy' on top of the set, turn off the lights and watch the kiddies run and hide in the other room.
Give your dinner guests a focal point for their hostilities by encouraging them to stab the little man in the throat.
Brightly colored peacock feathers: beautiful on the bird, less so on the monkey.
And speaking of colors, who can resist blah green and crap brown?
Looking to attract the attention of the fairer sex? Try grampa's aphrodisiac!
And finally, a visual response to the age old question: Which came first, the chicken or the eggplant?
10:20 PM | link
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."
(thanks, Starla!)
10:15 PM | link
Mattel was at a loss to explain the sluggish sales of their newest Cabbage Patch doll, 'Hermie' the hermaphrodite.
(thanks, Beverly!)
10:09 PM | link
If you were a super-ultimate-hardcore Star Wars fan, you'd pull up to the premiere in this.
(thanks, ez1221!)
10:08 PM | link
I was going to bid on it, but I checked with Carfax and apparently there's a problem with white smoke coming out of the tailpipe.
(thanks, Ray!)
9:58 PM | link
Buyer must pay extra for refrigerated shipping.
(thanks, Craig!)
9:57 PM | link
 Nobody knows exactly how long Santa was trapped inside the Henderson's chimney, but rescue workers had to use the Jaws of Life to extract him. Sadly, they had to remove his head and arms to get him out.
(thanks, Claire!)
8:56 AM | link
Tourists take pictures of it. Strangers want to touch it.
(thanks, Stephen!)
8:52 AM | link
Great Moments in Product Safety: The combination electric fan-pencil holder. Not recommended for the blind.
(thanks, Caroline!)
8:47 AM | link
"Great car!" So long as you don't include the bad brakes, weak frame, bird droppings and pile of trash inside.
(thanks, Mike!)
8:41 AM | link
Signs that you read too much H.P. Lovecraft:
1) You put a "Cthulhu on Board" bumper sticker on your car.
2) Your auctions get a little overly dramatic.
(thanks, Clay!)
8:35 AM | link
What was in those crackers? Meet Erwin the germaphobic buffalo.
(thanks, Jennifer!)
9:10 PM | link
Steroids? Dude, that's so yesterday. All the cool kids are taking steer-oids.
(thanks, John!)
9:09 PM | link
I wonder how the roaming gnome would price this trip?
(thanks, Timothy!)
9:08 PM | link
Who says sports and art don't mix?
9:07 PM | link
The original desperate housewives.
9:06 PM | link
World's ugliest serving tray: Perfect for dieters.
1:56 PM | link
Sooner or later, you just knew somebody was going to create a Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bride Wedding Kit.
(thanks, Kim!)
1:02 PM | link
Anton Lavey: Satanist, author, interior decorator.
(thanks, Allen!)
12:44 PM | link
 You want me. I know you want me. How do I know? Because I'm wearing my mind-reading machine.
(thanks, Cindy!)
12:41 PM | link
Why you should never, ever swim in a public pool.
(thanks, Cindy!)
12:39 PM | link
"Michael Jackson forged a relationship to the children of the world like no other artist before."
12:38 PM | link
Remind me again why I wasted all that time in college?
(thanks, Jeff & Barbara!)
12:36 PM | link
When rednecks wed...
(thanks, Liz!)
12:34 PM | link
Just how close are you and Sis? "My sister thinks it looks like an erotic helmeted love burrower!"
(thanks, Teresa!)
12:26 PM | link
Is Jesus stuck in the 70's? Or just trapped in a rock?
(thanks, Jean & Sian!)
12:19 PM | link
 "Barbie soon remembered why she hadn't spoken to her mother-in-law for years."
(thanks, Holly!)
12:16 PM | link
"Looking for a wife." And surely this ad will attract the perfect mate.
(thanks, Andrea!)
12:10 PM | link
This Honeymoon Tragedy has a happy ending.
(thanks, Jason!)
12:07 PM | link
"These balls will add to any room's decor", because a room without a wine cork ball is a BIG MINUS.
(thanks, Devil Doll!)
12:05 PM | link
Looks like somebody's spent a little too much time sniffing wood glue.
(thanks, Mike!)
12:02 PM | link
And the Nurturing Father of the Year award goes to...
(thanks, Dana!)
11:55 AM | link
Research has shown that senior citizens are the fastest-growing segment of internet users. What it hasn't shown is how many seniors use the net to troll for fresh, young meat.
(thanks, Chris!)
11:36 AM | link
We may never find the wreckage of her plane, but at least we know where Amelia Earhart's driver's license is.
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