| Saturday, February 17, 2001 |
2:06 PM | link
 BRUISED BOXER UGLY FACE JUG
"You are bidding on a very detailed ugly face jug by Dwayne Crocker of N. Georgia."
Uh, no, we're really not.
(thanks, ftoomsh!)
1:54 PM | link
Apparently the Starr Report had a predecessor.
1:23 PM | link
Well, that's one way to cut your cost of living.
1:05 PM | link
A lesson Bob learned a little too late: there are consequences for listening to that rogue fifth dentist who doesn't recommend sugarless gum for his patients who chew gum.
12:31 PM | link
Make this Easter an event your kids will be telling their therapists about for years to come!
(thanks, Erica!)
12:22 PM | link
 LEE'S "SAVE THE BABY"
We hear this product is selling better than its competitor, "Tell the Baby She's Lived Long Enough."
| Friday, February 16, 2001 |
10:15 PM | link
We know Snoopy, sir, and you are no Snoopy!
10:13 PM | link
"Chances are that this is a one of a kind item."
In the name of all that's holy ... we certainly hope so.
8:54 PM | link
 COOKING WITH MARIJUANA
It isn't just for brownies anymore!
8:29 PM | link
Finally! Waterfront property we can afford!
8:11 PM | link
See, we always knew it -- no one loves good juicy gossip more than God.
(thanks, Bill!)
3:58 AM | link
We didn't want ours either: Um. We're sure Alicia is a lovely person and all, but we really don't want that thing -- no matter how well-preserved it is.
(thanks, Steve!)
3:40 AM | link
 Nipple Coffee Mug
Just promise us you won't drink milk out of it. You don't want to be perceived as, you know, weird or anything.
(thanks, Jennifer!)
| Thursday, February 15, 2001 |
11:28 PM | link
What a shame ... if it wasn't for that "weird little harmonic in the fourth note," this would be a perfectly normal item.
(thanks, Molly!)
10:59 PM | link
We don't care how many times you kiss that thing -- it's never turning into a prince.
6:56 PM | link
 Is that a few hundred bananas in your pocket or are you just really, really happy to see us?
6:53 PM | link
Ahh, the joys of smoking: lighting up, taking a deep, satisfying drag, flicking your ashes into some clown's mouth...
5:14 PM | link
Call us squeamish, but that just looks painful.
3:27 PM | link
 Elvis may in fact be alive but damn, he looks terrible.
3:19 PM | link
After a public-relations disaster, Revlon had to recall their latest shade of lipstick, Burning Flesh.
3:03 PM | link
In other words, she's trying to make a profit from the simple act of cleaning off her refrigerator.
2:54 PM | link
But is having the winning hand bad or good?
12:47 AM | link
 Hurley the Tucan
"MADE A HABIT OF PUKIN' SPECIALLY WHILE UP IN THE AIR HIS FRIENDS WOULD ALL RUN COZ HIS BARF WIEGHED A TON AND THEY DIDN'T WANT CHUNKS IN THIER HAIR."
Those marketing types have such a way with words.
12:41 AM | link
Into which category do you suppose the Westminster Kennel Club would put corduroy dogs?
12:33 AM | link
"Aw, dammit, look what you did! You put the 4s where the 6s were supposed to go and the 2s where the 8s were supposed to go -- and now Jesus has purple eyes and green hair!"
12:25 AM | link
 Orange Spun Plastic Lamp
"Very unusual because of the gondola shaped base that acts as a planter for silk or fake flowers, if you so choose."
And, really, what could solidify the hideousness of this item any more than stuffing it full of artificial flora?
12:03 AM | link
Ever seen those people who are inexplicably sparkling and full of life? Don't you wish you could bottle what they have? Someone did!
| Wednesday, February 14, 2001 |
6:27 PM | link
They're calling it a fertility charm, but we're pretty sure no one ever got pregnant THAT way.
(thanks, Kelly!)
| Tuesday, February 13, 2001 |
5:50 PM | link
 Mr. Potato Head Statue
"This 6 foot tall statue weighs about 137 pounds ... In March of 2000, a "bumper crop" of life-sized Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head® statues were officially sworn in by Governor Lincoln Almond as Rhode Island’s Family Travel Ambassadors."
(thanks, Matt!)
5:43 PM | link
When it's love, it'll last forever ...
2:24 AM | link
Yes, they're serious: "In fact, these cups may just improve your love life. Nothing ruins a great classic pick up line like Haven't I seen you somewhere before? or Are you a model? faster than spilling your drink all over the front of her $300.00 designer dress. Also, the bright colors may distract her eyes from furtively searching the room for an exit."
2:07 AM | link
 John Deere Tractor Lamp
Is it bad if we'd rather just sit in the dark?
1:54 AM | link
You may have to buy a baby shower gift. But it doesn't have to be nice.
| Monday, February 12, 2001 |
11:52 PM | link
"Checkmate!" "D'oh!"
11:33 PM | link
"Honey, why are you crying? You're a beautiful woman, you can wear anything!"
11:25 PM | link
 Gal Hitchhiker Pinup
Uh, we don't want to know what kind of ride she's looking for.
12:05 AM | link
A cat that plays piano? Big deal. Now, a cat that plays the French horn, that'd be something...
| Sunday, February 11, 2001 |
11:57 PM | link
Because we all occasionally get the urge to don a giant chicken suit.
11:36 PM | link
 Oh ya, that's a real fine snowball you got there, you betcha.
1:25 PM | link
Valentine's Day gift suggestions from Ebay: ugly lamp? tacky statue? ghastly pottery? big shiny rock? land in the Ozarks? amourous bovine? deer painted on fungus? fish-cleaning board? wrestling action figure?
How about a magazine full of nekkid chicks? "Here ya go, little lady! Happy V-Day! Now, get in that kitchen and fix me a chicken pot pie."
What's that -- you don't have a Valentine to shower with gifts? Fortunately, Ebay can take care of that, too.
1:09 PM | link
 "World's Ugliest Face Pot"
No chips, cracks or repairs, but the seller has kindly offered to add them for a nominal fee.
12:51 PM | link
We're not worried about the rash of layoffs throughout the dot-com world -- we were thinking of making a career transition anyway.
12:30 PM | link
Long-stemmed roses and diamond rings are fine and all, but we're hoping for something a little different this Valentine's Day.
12:15 PM | link
This isn't just any old dirt -- this is special dirt!
11:47 AM | link
That's one way to get rid of all those free AOL CDs (not that we're disparaging any of you serious collectors out there, oh no.)
1:42 AM | link
"Many uses!" Of course, none of them are legal...
1:37 AM | link
Penis Enlargement eCommerce Site!
Well! That just about sums up this industry, doesn't it?
1:20 AM | link
 "Please pass the- uh, on second thought, don't."
1:07 AM | link
A custom painting of any fantasy we want, eh? How about George W. Bush being paddled by Sandra Day O'Connor?
12:55 AM | link
"Why do I have the hot water bottle between my legs? Um, I pulled a muscle in my groin... playing tennis... with the guys from the office. Yeah, that's it."
12:50 AM | link
"Help me find more Bob Hope collectibles!" Er, we're not sure that's quite the sort of help you need.
12:46 AM | link
"Dear Diary,
Today I sacrificed a few virgins. Then, I drank some human blood. Then,..."
12:43 AM | link
Leonardo DiCaprio puts the boy in boyish good looks.
12:17 AM | link
All that huffing and puffing and he's not even anatomically correct?!?!
12:15 AM | link
Good thing it's on vinyl, because the pristine clarity of a compact disc just doesn't do justice to the gurgling cries of a dying man.
12:06 AM | link
 "Dagnabbit, you kids come back here with the rest of my body!"
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