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7:32 PM | link
 9 out of 10 drivers claim that using a cellular phone doesn't distract them from the road. Here's the tenth guy.
(thanks, Geoff!)
7:16 PM | link
Luuuuke.... I am your hairdresser.
(thanks, Martin!)
7:15 PM | link
Why not give a give of encouragement to your favorite recovering alcoholic?
(thanks, Gwen!)
7:09 PM | link
Uh, what kind of books did you say you have in there again?
(thanks, Rollin!)
7:06 PM | link
"Only a parent could love this vase (or a gynecologist)."
(thanks, Dick!)
7:04 PM | link
 The other children would taunt Penelope by calling her names and leaving pearl onions and sticks of butter in her locker.
(thanks, Liz!)
6:54 PM | link
Oh yeah, the cops would never think to look in there.
6:48 PM | link
Attention, K-Mart employees: we're in bankruptcy, and you're all laid off. Go clean out your lockers, and don't forget to pick up your parting gifts on your way out the door.
6:44 PM | link
They can topple our buildings and kill our citizens, but the terrorists will never stop us from distributing soft drinks.
6:41 PM | link
 Every December, Snap! Krackle! and Pop! would get part-time jobs as department store Santas. Until that one year when they drank a little too much egg nog on their break.
6:33 PM | link
"Never have to worry about having a dry mouth at your next party."
6:29 PM | link
Truth in advertising.
2:05 PM | link
 Don't throw away that empty can! Sure, you could recycle it -- but why not turn it into a daring fashion statement? Just think of how many heads will turn as you stroll down the street wearing your new hat (don't forget the matching purse!)
Don't like hats? Use that empty beverage container to light up a room (or simply light up). That can could help you keep track of time, stay in touch with loved ones, or express hidden artistic talents.
ps: If you prefer bottles to cans, we've got you covered, too.
1:53 PM | link
Most people take snapshots and buy souvenirs to remember their travels.
12:53 PM | link
The default setting reads: I AM A BIG DORK.
10:49 AM | link
"Start your own church or just snack on them with a friend."
(thanks, Angie!)
4:02 PM | link
 We "dare" you to wear this shirt with these pants.
Or this dress, if it's a formal occasion.
(thanks, Jet!)
3:57 PM | link
Honey, I shrunk my wallet!
(thanks, Dave!)
3:55 PM | link
Drill bits not included.
(thanks, Brandon!)
3:53 PM | link
Comes with its own nubile, underage groupie!
(thanks, Don!)
3:52 PM | link
Yes but can you eat with it?
(thanks, Forestter!)
3:32 PM | link
 For some girls, size does matter.
(thanks, Mike!)
3:31 PM | link
No wonder he's a "happy, naughty chimp": note the strategic placement of the on-off switch.
(thanks, huffman!)
3:28 PM | link
Wakka-wakka-wakka-wakka
(thanks, Pat & Jim!)
3:25 PM | link
What goes up, must come down: Last year the ENRON Code of Ethics sold for a lot more than $15 -- maybe the CEO of Worldcom was driving up the bids?
(thanks, Brian!)
2:57 PM | link
 Because lumberjacks get thirsty sometimes.
(thanks, JT!)
11:55 PM | link
This would make for some mighty interesting popsicles.
(thanks, Celeste!)
11:53 PM | link
So trespassing is a crime, but theft is ok?
(thanks, John!)
11:51 PM | link
Get 'Em While They're Young Dept. Just imagine the look in your little one's eyes when he wakes up and sees "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" screaming out from across his crib.
(thanks, KCBlueGal!)
11:41 PM | link
United we stand, indicted we fall...
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