11:47 PM | link
Fun with thought-bubbles:

"Kill me. Kill me now."

11:30 PM | link
Like we don't catch enough hell from our own parents.

(thanks, Amanda!)

11:21 PM | link
Either this guy needs serious lessons in salesmanship, or he's really, really pissed off at another seller.

(thanks, Stosh!)

10:51 PM | link
In the esteemed Court of Grammatical Error, this would easily be found guilty of "flagrant and egregious abuse of adjectives."

10:38 PM | link
Income Ideas You Never Thought Of, #2874
Finally! A way for our numerous spoiled, lazy cats to earn their keep.

(thanks, Cheri!)

9:40 PM | link
If one of your humorless neighbors complains about it, just say it's fertilizing the shrubs.

(thanks, Christy!)

11:08 PM | link
For the man who has everything. Except a girlfriend.

11:04 PM | link
Maybe if you didn't ask so damn many questions your auction would have sold.

(thanks, Lynn!)

10:59 PM | link
Some people think artists are nothing but a bunch of navel gazers. Well, we're here to show you that artists spend time gazing at more than just their navels.

(thanks, Raiyne!)

10:52 PM | link
If you're going to say "brand new/ never worn" in the auction, you probably shouldn't be modeling it for the camera.

(thanks, Heaven's Trash!)

10:48 PM | link
"I've wasted money on a lot of things in my life: women, cars, other things I didn't need, you name it, but I've never felt like I totally 100% wasted my money on something until I bought this router table."

(thanks, Stephen!)

10:46 PM | link
"Funds will benefit area Los Angeles artists." Which they'll use to produce more insightful, thought-provoking works like this one.

(thanks, Martin!)

10:43 PM | link
It also makes squirrel hunting a whole lot easier.

(thanks, Andrew!)

10:40 PM | link
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the poet laureate of eBay.

(thanks, Tim!)

10:36 PM | link
Nothing says "class" quite like a Honda limo.

(thanks, Bob!)

10:32 PM | link
"Runs great drives good" and has lots of room for chicks in the back.

(thanks, BusterGarnier!)

10:29 PM | link
Of course, 6 months from now Ejay will have outgrown this phase and gone totally emo.

(thanks, ~+>kellye!)

10:26 PM | link
"The Frugal Gunsmith" -- for the guy who spent his last $10 on beer and ammo.

(thanks, Nicole!)

10:24 PM | link
The Description On This Auction Was Obviously Written By A Robot, It Was Apparently Written By A Robot, Be Sure To Check Out This Auction, Go and Check It Out, It Will Pay You To Go And Check It Out.

(thanks, Kate!)

10:17 PM | link
Chicky longed for the dot-com days, when even a trumpet-playing chicken could get a cushy tech job with a buttload of stock options. But now he's reduced to advertising his services on eBay.

(thanks, Kirk!)

10:13 PM | link
Who says freaking someone out isn't an effective form of behavior modification?

(thanks, Scog!)

10:10 PM | link
And you thought receiving all those unsolicited emails for V1AG^RA and guaranteed penis enlargements was bad... brace yourself for drive-by spamming.

(thanks, Marte!)

10:05 PM | link
Sadly, Delbert and Enid's fiery divorce was never recorded.